1) Tell us a little bit about yourself. How did you get into writing?
I’m Barry Maher and I may be the only horror novelist who’s ever appeared in the pages of Funeral Service Insider. In my misspent youth, my articles were featured in perhaps a hundred different publications and, in order to eat, I held nearly that many different jobs. Sometimes he lived on the beach. Not in a house on the beach. On the beach. With the sand and the seagulls.
Three hours into a truly excremental job—standing on a roof in the rain, holding the frayed cord of a toilet de-rooter—I thought I hit on a way for my writing to support me. I’d simply write a best-selling, critically-acclaimed novel. Think Sherlock Holmes meets Hamlet, if Ophelia was oversexed, homicidal and undead.
Surprisingly (to me anyway) that plot didn’t work out. But it got me to quit the rooter company. And eventually it led to my first novel, Legend. Which somehow—even I’m not sure—led to me telling my stories around the country and around the world, and to having an actual bank account. And ultimately to The Great Dick: And the Homicidal Demon. Which led to me doing this interview with author Anthony Avina.
2) What inspired you to write your book?
I was speaking on an Asian cruise when I realized I could no longer figure out what the hands of the clock meant. The next day, during a presentation, I introduced the ship’s captain. Twenty minutes later I picked him out of the audience and asked him what he did for a living. (The uniform did look a tad familiar.) That same day, I gave up trying to understand foreign currency. Even American money was getting tricky. In Viet Nam, I handed a vendor two hundreds and a five for a $7.00 baseball cap. It was a very nice cap.
Back home, the first thing my doctor did was have me draw a clock face at ten to three. The second thing he did was take away my driver’s license. Then he sent me for an immediate MRI. The nurse there wouldn’t comment on the results, but when I asked where the restroom was, she said, “I can’t let you go in there alone.”
I explained that bathroom visitation was a particular expertise of mine.
“Like telling time?” she asked. “You need to talk to your neurosurgeon.”
“I have a neurosurgeon?” Just what I always wanted.
I also had a brain tumor—the size of a basketball. Or maybe the neurosurgeon said “baseball.” I wasn’t tracking too well just then. Still, I quickly grasped he was planning on carving open my skull with a power saw.
“I don’t really need to tell time,” I said. “Or I can just buy a digital watch.”
Everyone said my neurosurgeon—or, as I thought of him, “Chainsaw Charlie”—was brilliant. My problem was that I’ve spent my life around intelligent people, and I’ve always believed human intelligence was overrated. To me, on a scale of everything there is to know in the universe, the main difference between Einstein and Koko the Wonder Chimp was that Einstein couldn’t pick up bananas with his feet. (As far as I know.)
Still, I went under the knife—or in this case, the power saw. Maybe I had a seizure. The doctors weren’t sure. That might explain what happened. Because I came out of the surgery with Lady Gaga singing non-stop in my head and an unforgettably vivid story, like a memory of something that I’d just witnessed.
Reacting to the surgical intrusion, I suppose my brain could have given me a dream or a story, maybe even Citizen Kane or a nice rom/com or a few episodes of Seinfeld. But no, I got open crypts, bizarre spells, sudden death and the Ralph Lauren version of the Manson Family. “How did my operation go? Well, I’m did pretty well, but the people in my head—or wherever they were—they went through Hell.”
Lady Gaga went away after a day or so. But the story stayed with me. And when I was able, I spent a couple of years putting it all down, working it out, getting it just right. And that became The Great Dick: And the Dysfunctional Demon.
3) What theme or message do you hope readers will take away from your book?
To me, the message is the experience the reader goes through. Like any experience, it can change us, even if it’s just a little. The entire book is an attempt to generate that experience. To evoke one response or another. The response I’m after keeps changing—curiosity, anticipation, laughter, fear, dread, you name it. More than one reviewer has called The Great Dick: And the Dysfunctional Demon a rollercoaster ride. By the end, I would hope the response is understanding, satisfaction, and maybe even a tiny twinge of enlightenment.
4) What drew you into this particular genre?
I love to scare the hell out of readers and to scare myself while I’m doing it. Plus horror opens up wonderful opportunities for humor and satire. I love horror. I love suspense. I love humor. Putting all those together in an accessible, conversational style seems natural to me.
5) If you could sit down with any character in your book, what would you ask them and why?
That’s simple. I want to sit down with either the character who calls himself Steve Witowski or with Jonathan O’Ryan. I’d ask either of them the same two questions. What did they learn from what they’ve been through? And what would they do differently if they had the chance to do it all over again.
6) What social media site has been the most helpful in developing your readership?
Most helpful have been the bloggers and podcasters like you, Anthony, who’ve raved about the book. Your followers trust you. They know your track record. So what you and other bloggers and podcasters say has far more weight to your readers than what some unknown critic in a newspaper might say. We’ve got fifteen prominent authors who’ve raved about the book. But if Author Anthony Avina hated it, your readers wouldn’t buy it.
7) What advice would you give to aspiring or just starting authors out there?
Write. Turn on your computer or pick up your pen or finger paint it on the wall, but write. Being a writer is a job and you should treat it that way. Write and then rewrite. Then rewrite again. That’s the only way you get better.
If you wait around for inspiration, you’re still going to be waiting while thousands, literally thousands of other writers, are finishing their books.
8) What does the future hold in store for you? Any new books/projects on the horizon?
I’m currently working on a ghost story. A lawyer has just lost his wife after a marriage so troubled that—though he would hate to admit it—her death was actually a relief. Returning from her funeral, he finds her standing in the middle of their living room. After a moment, he realizes it’s a hologram. But there’s no projector and no sign that anyone has broken in.
About the Author
Barry Maher’s career has been anything but ordinary. He’s been an award-winning (if modestly so) poet, a magazine writer with bylines across the country, a speaker for some of the world’s largest corporations, and a man who once lived literally on the beach, seagulls and all. His syndicated column Slightly Off-Kilter and his darkly comic fiction reflect that same unpredictable spirit. Media appearances range from The Today Show to CNBC, with features in The Wall Street Journal and even Funeral Service Insider. Connect with him at BarryMaher.com or on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/LasVegasSpeaker
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-great-dick-barry-maher/1148107499?ean=9781968532130
Author Anthony Avina 